I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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