He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
