i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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