Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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