He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
