she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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