I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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