3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize