I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize