I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
