Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
