Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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