I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
