I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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