so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
