I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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