just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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