No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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