Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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