mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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