I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
