so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Welp...herpes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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