That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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