I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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