I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
