You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
