you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
