I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
