community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
