I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
