"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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