One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
