That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
