K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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