we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize