As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
