I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
