Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
