She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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