I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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