well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
