So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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