Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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