Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
