In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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