I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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