Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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