I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
