The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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