At least make sure they are 18
Why
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize