ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
