This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
