I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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