I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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