I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
