I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think people are normalizing furries
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
