her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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