I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
