So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
