Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
