Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
