You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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