Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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