fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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