We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
