there's paper in my vomit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
