Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize