I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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