The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
