I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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