its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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