Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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