Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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