let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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