you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
