omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize