So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
