Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
