You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
