God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
