now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
