Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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