I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
