And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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