Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
