Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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