She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
