You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
