I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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