He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
