I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
