just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
