just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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