Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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