ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
