Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
