In the future we'll all be gay
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
