someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize