idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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