I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize