There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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