Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
