haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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