Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
