Where is the hickey?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
