Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
