Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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