dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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