Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
