Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
