He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize