PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize