you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
