I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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