Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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