I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
