I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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