that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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